4th Line Duster

The first few days were the hardest. As a dad I felt sort of fell out of the picture, well because my daughter needed her mom.  Adjusting to her was, definitely on the fly. At night was the worst for me. I wanted to do it all but my daughter needed was the boobies. I was so excited for my first night shift. I even made a little station for myself. The station included Netflix, a coffee and some chocolate. When she first woke up, I jumped out of bed like the house was being broken into. “Okay, okay I’m up” barely came out of my mouth. Grabbed baby and went straight to the baby daddy station. I threw on Transformers 4 on the IPad. What a shitty movie. Like honestly I should have put on Dirty Dancing with Patrick Swayze and it would have been way better. I could see the sunrise through our windows. “Fuck me, its way to early” I mumbled as I crawled back to bed.

That morning I felt like I was useless. My wife was so busy with that mom and daughter time. Being a “4th line duster” was a good thing for me. It was a reality check. My daughter just became the whole entire world. She was the star and I was now the 6th man.  Just contributing to her, that’s the new game plan. We had breakfast together, she ate formula and I had leftover pizza. We watched some D1 basketball that morning. That’s the moment I thought “Ball Is Life.” It’s a weird feeling, when you look into your kids and they totally trust you. You’re their provider and parent. It makes me want to cry sometimes, but I am a dad. It can’t happen.

The next day as I was driving to go get groceries. In the grocery store I discovered that I wanted more kids.  I literally just had a baby, and now I’m thinking about having more. Let’s be honest for a few seconds, I can barely take of myself let alone another kid. So my wonderful wife gave a list for the groceries. A simple list to say the least, I was almost done. As I’m standing in line, at one of busiest groceries store and of course its rush hour, I forget formula. I don’t remember which kind, or which brand to get. I couldn’t call my wife; it’s my 4th day of being a dad. So I walked to infant aisle, and just aimless stared at the all of the formulas, I couldn’t decide. There was a lady there, so I cowboy the fuck up and asked “I have no idea what kind I need but I don’t want to call my wife”. This lady was amazing and literally walking me through everything, then called me “handsome.” As we parted way, I could think of how the fuck I was going to figure out my life and get it together.

I got home and felt like I was the king of castle. Really I was just Kryie Irving to Lebron James. Greatness was ready to happen. But my MVP was my wife. Breast feeding, cleaning, walking the dog and cooking, she killing game. I on the other was still struggle going through the parenthood thing. Just trust the process.

 

Keep On Keeping On

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