1: Shitty pants When changing a diaper the most important thing is to make sure they are done pooping. Otherwise your day could get a lot shittier. Make sure you wipe their little tush really good and apply diaper cream. Diaper rash cream a pain in the ass. You don’t like your bum itchy pretty sure they don’t either.
2: Quick draw
When your getting them dresses or undressed. Make sure you got our finger on the trigger when doing so. Triple check that they don’t roll over the edge when putting on pants. For fuck sakes, give them something to keep them occupied. Their is no point getting frustrated when they want to be naked and your trying to dress them.
3: Suckers are for kids
Always have a soother. Know where they are at all times, because there is nothing worse than a screaming kid who only wants its soother. Common mistake is misplacing them. Remember the brand they like, they are picky little shits. Have more than just four in your house. They will be everywhere that you can’t find when you really need it.
4: Put that shit on repeat
When your kid finds something that they love and want all the time. Make sure you know it and have it always. Speaking from experience I know every single song from Moana. Some days that is the ONLY thing that will make her happy. Once you find what they like make their favourite thing your new favourite thing.
5: Sneaky time
Want sexy time? You got to keep that shit quiet. That includes playing with the chicken or rubbing wood gentlemen. There is nothing more disappointing than having a boner and now having to explain yourself. Practice safe sex. Don’t want anymore running around right away.